Learn all about the flyboy. Or not.
But not as sexy as me! HoooooWAHHHHH!!!
Don't say I didn't warn you sucker!
Mercy is for the weak!
It's smart Jerry! It's smart! And I'm not dumbing it down for you!
This is the best game in history!

Friday, February 11, 2005

Kneel down ye sinners to streetwise religion

A few blogs back I pissed and moaned about having to go the shitsucking grocery store, but I really didn't go. Instead I chose to live off of grits and grilled cheese sandwiches for a few days.

Yay me.

Yesterday, I finally broke down and did the deed. And you know what? It wasn't as horrible as it usually is. Yeah, there were a few dipshit bastards who blocked the isle, while seemingly lost in thought over which brand of this or that to buy, but that's to be expected I guess.

The worst thing that almost happened, and it would have been a cat-damn-tastrophy if it was really true, was that the store appeared to be out of the greatest food product known to man, robot, zombie, and beast alike.

That product of course is Chicken Helper.

Chicken helper, for those unfortunate bumblefucks who have never heard of it, is fabulous and brilliant. It's what the cool kids eat when they're not snorting shiny white lines of cocaine off of each other's asscracks, or eating heroin filled chocolate chip cookies.

Boom. Boom. Boom.

It's my favorite thing to cook, and I'm not bragging or anything because it's a fact, but if there was a Chicken Helper Heavyweight Championship Belt, I would own it.

Because I'm the best. I'm the Champ of all Chickenhelpers.

I'm 100% pure Magic.

I love it so much I would smoke Chicken Helper if it was in cigarette form, or even shoot it into my veins with a dirty syringe.

I even wrote a song about it.

Anyways, the dumbass store had moved everything around, and I couldn't find it, until finally I did and was all happy and calm again, instead of the panicked, blood veins bulging from the neck and forehead, creature of rage and bloodlust that was about to nuke everyone in the damn store if he couldn't find his beloved food type product and find it right the hell now.

So that's about it. I'm stuffed on Chicken Helper and Heroin Cookies, and am now making my way to the bar where the cute little smurfette works.

Could be an interesting night.

Later on pillheads!

Greed's been crowned the new king.

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