Learn all about the flyboy. Or not.
But not as sexy as me! HoooooWAHHHHH!!!
Don't say I didn't warn you sucker!
Mercy is for the weak!
It's smart Jerry! It's smart! And I'm not dumbing it down for you!
This is the best game in history!

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Zom-Co inc. proudly presents...

Our latest and greatest addition to our family of fine products and accessories.



The weight loss pill that really works!

And works! And works! And works!

In fact, you won't stop losing weight...


Just take it from this formerly fat disgusting pig of a man.

Customer Testimonial:

"Hello. My name is Frank, and that was a good name for me because I could eat 250 ballpark franks in one day. My mother was so wise to have named me that. Perhaps she had a premonition when I was still in her womb, filling her with cravings of Spam, Bologna, and Pig's feet. She would be 65 this year if she was still around, God rest her soul.

I really miss her. Maybe if I would have had more willpower she would still be alive today. Maybe if she wasn't so round and plump. But I'm a weak minded man. And I was so hungry. There was nothing in the house except for me and her. What else was I to do?

I snuck up behind her and smashed her over the head with a trashbag full of old cans of spam that we were planning on recycling. And that was all there was to it. The evil deed was done.

I cried both tears of anguish and joy. Anguish over the loss of the one who gave me life, joy over how good said life giver tasted slowly grilled to perfection on my handy dandy extra-large George Foreman grill.

I know what you are thinking, and don't judge me damn you. You who feel all high and mighty reading this from the comforts of your uncrushed furniture, and enjoying the fact that your mother is still alive, or at the very least, that she never became anyone's lunch.

Mmm. Lunch.

Don't think bad of me, because I suffered from the horrible disease of being a big tub of shit. But I suffer no longer. I am the master of my domain now, the captain of my ship. And I owe it all to Zombie-Thin.

This is me after using Zombie-Thin for 1 month. I can see the improvement, can you?

And now here I am after 2 months. Normally, I would have been so hungry I couldn't stand next to a guy as tasty looking as this without tearing off his head and feasting upon the gooey goodness that lurks within. But thanks to Zombie-Thin, I had the willpower and control to not do this.

3 months later and I'm really looking good no? I bet you want a piece of this huh? I'm a stud! Now, if I could just stop this blasted itching.

4 months have now passed, and I'm still losing weight and feeling better than ever. Zombie-Thin gave me so much energy I can now run marathons! Fucking A Baby! I've been a little constipated lately, but hey, I can run marathons! Weeeeeeee!

Month 5. I'm still losing weight and looking fine, but I'm tiring easy and feeling kind of weak. I guess I need to take more Zombie-Thin. Yeah, that's the ticket, ticket, ticket. Uh-Oh. I just crapped my pants.

Month 6. Fuck! I think I took too much. But at least I'm not fats anymore. With the proper clothing, I can hide hide hide these old bones. Yes. Hideeee these old bones. Yes indeed. Heh. Heh. Hide the bones. I can hide the bones. I canss work this out. Maybe me needs just a littles mores of of of of of of Zombie-Thin. Yesssssss.

Well, that's all from Frank, the latest success story from Zom-Co. The company that cares about you and yours.

Warning. Some side effects may occur from taking Zombie-Thin.

These include but are not limited to: GI disurbances including chronic constipation followed by anal explosions, Violent mood swings and pyschotic episodes, Drowsiness, Dizziness, Intense desires to run marathons, Night terrors, Fever, Stuttering, Malaise, Tachycardia, Chills, Four hour erections, Severe Body Odor, Crappy typing, Headache, Bad breath, Itching, Paralysis, Phantom limb syndrome, Swelling of hands and feet, Cottage cheese like substances in urine, Intense sweating, Loss of breath, Dry mouth, Blurred vision, and Undeath.

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