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Monday, March 21, 2005

If you like Zombie stories, this is what you want right here.

I noticed that some of you like Vonnegut, and some of you like cookbooks. But I'm here today to elaborate and enlighten you about two of the best Zombie books I've ever read.

Wait a minute, fuck that, these are two of the best books I've ever read, Zombies or not. Period.

These are the be all end all of Zombie stories, chock full of images so vivid and intense, they will stay with you forever. These books will fist your mind with the fury of ten thousand bony Zombie fists!

And you'll say, "Oooooohhhhhh motherfucker! Thank you Zombie sirs and madams, may I have another???!!!!"

I'm pretty sure these books are out of print, but if you ever see one be sure to get it. You will not be sorry. I stake my reputation as the world's coolest Zombie on it.

Book Of The Dead was the first.

It's one hell of an anthology, and it blew my damn mind.

Here is a sample from the story "Mess Hall", by Richard Lawson.

Used without permission, so fuck off Richard, you're getting a free plug here!

"The last of the five girls didn't look peeled, she looked burnt. She bore only a rough resemblance to a human being. She might have been shaped out of mud by a dim-witted child who gave her no fingers or toes or breasts, and poked fingers into the mud to make her eyes. Her crust made papery, crackling sounds as she shuffled past the fire, and pieces flaked off."

Is that not great or what?

This book also has the supremely awesome "On The Far Side Of The Cadillac Desert With Dead Folks" by the great Joe R. Lansdale. Yep, the same Joe R. Lansdale who wrote the story for the movie "Bubba Ho-Tep".

Plus it has a foreword by the man himself, George A. Romero.

The second book in this series is called, "Still Dead: Book Of The Dead 2".

Don't let the seemingly uncreative title fool you, this book is hardcore and filled with talent and imagination. The writers here, take the groundwork laid in the first book and build upon it with great success. Here is a sample of work from the story "Dont/Walk" by Chan McConnel.

Enjoy your plug too Mr. McConnel. You should be thrilled I'm using a part of your story here dude.

"Evan saw his next dead person sitting at a bus stop. It appeared to be an elderly man who had begun to sag into the interstices of the bench planks. He was idly masticating a gob of meat, shiny-slick with a sweat of stale blood. Flies lit on it. Flies crawled on his face. Flies walked into his mouth. Well-fed flies walked out. The man on the bench had no eyes. Just flies."

Hell yeah man, I'm all about those well fed flies!

It's unusual when a sequel is as good as the original, but this book stacks up just fine. The foreword is by Tom Savini, who for those who don't know, did the makeup effects and gags for "Dawn" and "Day", along with some of the "Friday The 13th" movies and countless others. Tom also directed the 1990 remake of "Night", and played the ever so cool Sex Machine in Quentin Tarantino's vampire flick "From Dusk Till Dawn".

Anyway, these are two of my favorite books ever. I've had them for many years, and always come back for more. I love them lots and lots, and if they were people, I would become a mormon so I could marry them both.

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