Monday, March 28, 2005
Why don't you go fuck yourself smartass!!
Hey everyone. I hope you all had a fun Easter and that none of you got the shits from eating too much candy and hard boiled eggs.
I'm in the big fat middle of a project (real life shit) that I'll have finished by Tuesday, but until then, I just wanted to give you fuckheads at least a minor update.
Because you're my fuckheads.
And I like you.
Sort of.
Here's a story to tide you over, and it basically goes like this.
I went to the grocery store the other night. Yeah, I know, bad plan, but Zombies got to eat, so there. Anyway, the actual shopping was without incident or aggravation, but it was in the parking lot that everything went bonkers, and I entered the fucking twilight zone.
Or so it seemed.
See, there was this older guy, probably late 60's, early 70's. He's driving one of those big fancy tank like cars that older peeps like to drive, and he pulls in to park. Ok. Fine. Big fucking deal right? Correct. It's what happens next that was weird.
Old dude, gets out of his big shiny car, and starts to walk in the store. His headlights are still on, and they're not showing any signs of turning off, so being the good fucking Samaritan that I am, I ever so gently bring the subject up to him as he's walking by. You know, because it sucks to have a run down car battery.
"Excuse me, sir, did you know that your headlights are still on?" I say.
Old dude stops for a second and looks me up and down. Then he says, "Why don't you go fuck yourself smartass.", and then he walks into the store.
Honestly, I didn't know whether to laugh or beat his old crotchety ass for him, but I was at a complete loss for words, which doesn't happen all that damn much. I mean, yeah, I am a smartass, and yeah, I usually have a certain twinkle in my eye and a smile that is a good indicator that I'm about to pull out your brain and stick my dick in it, but I was trying to be helpful and good here.
Anyway, he zinged me, and he zinged me good, because I still haven't really thought of a clever reply to that yet.
So that's the monday update. I hope y'all enjoyed that little glimpse into the strange toilet bowl existence I call my life.
And if you didn't like it, WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF SMARTASS!!!
I'm in the big fat middle of a project (real life shit) that I'll have finished by Tuesday, but until then, I just wanted to give you fuckheads at least a minor update.
Because you're my fuckheads.
And I like you.
Sort of.
Here's a story to tide you over, and it basically goes like this.
I went to the grocery store the other night. Yeah, I know, bad plan, but Zombies got to eat, so there. Anyway, the actual shopping was without incident or aggravation, but it was in the parking lot that everything went bonkers, and I entered the fucking twilight zone.
Or so it seemed.
See, there was this older guy, probably late 60's, early 70's. He's driving one of those big fancy tank like cars that older peeps like to drive, and he pulls in to park. Ok. Fine. Big fucking deal right? Correct. It's what happens next that was weird.
Old dude, gets out of his big shiny car, and starts to walk in the store. His headlights are still on, and they're not showing any signs of turning off, so being the good fucking Samaritan that I am, I ever so gently bring the subject up to him as he's walking by. You know, because it sucks to have a run down car battery.
"Excuse me, sir, did you know that your headlights are still on?" I say.
Old dude stops for a second and looks me up and down. Then he says, "Why don't you go fuck yourself smartass.", and then he walks into the store.
Honestly, I didn't know whether to laugh or beat his old crotchety ass for him, but I was at a complete loss for words, which doesn't happen all that damn much. I mean, yeah, I am a smartass, and yeah, I usually have a certain twinkle in my eye and a smile that is a good indicator that I'm about to pull out your brain and stick my dick in it, but I was trying to be helpful and good here.
Anyway, he zinged me, and he zinged me good, because I still haven't really thought of a clever reply to that yet.
So that's the monday update. I hope y'all enjoyed that little glimpse into the strange toilet bowl existence I call my life.
And if you didn't like it, WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF SMARTASS!!!
