Learn all about the flyboy. Or not.
But not as sexy as me! HoooooWAHHHHH!!!
Don't say I didn't warn you sucker!
Mercy is for the weak!
It's smart Jerry! It's smart! And I'm not dumbing it down for you!
This is the best game in history!

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

A long time ago...

In a shit-town far, far, away, a younger version of my zombie flyboy self, saw a little science fiction movie called Star Wars. Perhaps you've heard of it. Anyway, the movie rocked my world. I became obsessed with all things Star Wars, and dreamed of flying space ships and having shoot outs with blaster guns, and light saber battles as I fought evil aliens for truth, justice, and the right to make fun of Tom Cruise.

The fucker.

In recent years, I've became a little jaded on Star Wars. Like a lot of people, I was there opening weekend for "The Phantom Menace", but left feeling a little shaken. It seemed the stupid and cartoonish elements that plagued "Return of The Jedi", were not an aberration, but a sign of things to come. I was very disappointed, and when "Attack of The Clones" came out, I felt little excitement, choosing to wait until it was available to rent to watch it.

"AOTC" was pretty damn slow. The love story was clunky, the dialogue piss poor, but something funny happened on the way to me being greatly disappointed again. That something was the last 10 or 20 minutes of the movie when battles are being fought left and right, and Yoda kicks all kinds of ass. The tight ending gave me a small amount of optimism that "Revenge of The Sith" just might not suck after all. And guess what? It doesn't! That's right. Finally, after 20 years, a new Star Wars movie is out and it's good!

"Revenge Of The Sith" is a big, loud, pretty, piece of popcorn movie goodness. It doesn't have the depth and quality of "A New Hope" or "Empire", but it's still pretty damn fun to watch. The junk dialogue, and flat, listless, acting of Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen that we've all come to know and love is still here, but the great performances by Ewan McGregor, and Ian McDiarmid more than make up for it. These two guys really sell their performances hard. It's like they know this is the last hurrah, and are rising to the occasion. Bravo guys!

The story movies along quickly, almost too quickly really, as their is enough material here to cover the entire new trilogy. I think Anakin's turn to the dark side, while explained, was a little rushed, and forced. I wish it had been explored further, rather than the Jar Jar and childhood antics of "Phantom", and the yawn inducing romance of "Clones".

The new trilogy could have been so much more. It could have been the "Star Wars" so many hoped for, more of the grown up style shown in "Empire". Instead, the emphasis was placed firmly on the technology, and the story seemed to be a mere afterthought. Oh well, it's just CGI water under George Lucas's digital bridge. We'll just have to enjoy "ROTS" for what it is, and what it is, is a lot of fun. The ending is kind of a bummer of course. But it's not like anyone didn't know what happened anyway right?

I think "ROTS" will give people what they expect. If you go in looking for things to nitpick and bitch about you'll find them. But if you go in looking for an entertaining, amusement park ride of escapist summer fun, then you'll find that too. I enjoyed the movie, the way it connected things to the older trilogy, and tied up the loose ends. The Emperor was really fucking cool, and the pacing is quick and never bogs down.

On the quality scale of lightsaber severed hands, I give "Revenge Of The Sith", 3.75 severed hands out of a possible 5.

The good:

Ewan McGregor. Ian McDiarmid. The light saber battles. More Yoda combat. R2D2. The John Williams score. The cool way the ships and things started to look more like "A New hope". All those smug Jedi fuckers getting taken out by order 66. The way Darth Vader's first steps are a cool nod to the Frankenstein monster.

The bad:

Piss poor dialogue. Wooden and robotic performances from human actors (it's bad when C3PO is more human than the humans). Darth Vader's "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!". The super annoying noises that Obi-Wan's lizard makes. I fucking hated that! Yoda's fingernail scraping noise.

The Ugly:

Dead Jedi Younglings. Anakin and Padme's love. Darth Vader as a flame broiled, chopped up whopper. Yoda's fingernails. The Emperor's face.

That's all for today chumps.

May the fist be with you!

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?