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Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I will hit them with a boat. I will throw them in a moat. I will smash them with a house. I will feed them to a mouse. I do not like primitive fucks!

Because they suckity suck suck...

Zombie I am.


It's common knowledge that I'm a hate filled creature who enjoys nothing more than writing the names of his enemies into his book of rage, preparing for the day that these loathsome creatures will taste the fruits of my fury, and drink from the cup of my piss.

Let us begin...

I fucking hate the Amish.

Can't stand them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,I hear you. You're all, "But they're so cute in their home-made, cruelty free, non-sweatshop made clothes. "

To this I merely cluck my tongue with pity, and say, "Pig Snot!"

The Amish are not cute, and their clothing is the suck, unless of course you're in that small minority of dipfucks who masturbate to old reruns of "Little House On The Praire".

Mmmmmm. Nellie Olsen. Mmmmmmmm.


I know for a fact that the Amish do not make all their own clothes. My sources have found out where the Amish clothing comes from, and quite frankly it is shocking. You see, the Amish devils do not watch television or movies. Which is fine. But they also don't want us to watch television or movies. Why? Because they're cocksucking cuntrags, who get off on power. That's why. It's part of their assholish agenda for world conquest.

Back to the point, the Amish get their clothing made by the slave labor of kidnapped actors and actresses. And you so innocently thought that when a celebrity disappeared it was because of re-hab, weight gain, or just being finished.


Hello Mcfly! Hello! Is Anybody home? Butthead!

The brutal Amish overloards have been kidnapping our best and brightest actors for years, forcing them to sew, stitch, and hem, until one day the actor or actress falls ill from eating a diet of rendered hogfat and croaks like a frog with a stick up his ass. (wink wink)

So if there's someone out there you've been wondering about, wondering what happened to him or her, wondering why they are not making movies or tv shows anymore. Now you know.

And knowing's half the battle.

Here's a short list of celebs who have been kidnapped and never heard from again. This is only the tip of the iceberg.

Phoebe Cates


Mayim Bialik

Lee Majors

Barbara Mandrell and the Mandrell Sisters

David Faustino

Paul Williams

The Smurfs

Rhonda Shear

Jan Michael Vincent

Paris Hilton

Tina Yothers

Bill Saluga (The you can call me Ray, you can call me Jay guy.)

Ok, so the Paris one was just wishful thinking, but wouldn't it be great if she WAS kidnapped and made to suffer for her crimes against humanity? Fuck right it would be.

Anyway, if this was the only thing those shit eating Amish assholes were up to, it would be enough for my hatred, and deservedly so, but there is much, much more.

Tons more!

What's that you say? "They can't be that bad. They are not monsters. You are all wrong about them Flyboy."

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Foolish and naive readers, oh how I wish I could wake up in the land of make believe that is such a comfort and safety net for you. Oh how I wish I could slide naked down rainbows and not get multi-colored splinters stuck in my ass.

But it ain't happening hoss. No way. No how. The Amish are in fact bloodthirsty monsters. They hate us, and want us to die.

Did you ever see that old movie, "Children of The Corn"? Did you know it's based on a true story? Yep. Stephen King just changed it around a little but the gist of it is the stone cold truth. Amish children will kill you. They're sick. They're demented. They worship corn devils, and they'll kill you dead, dead, dead.

Just look at this monster in training in the photo above and tell me you're not afraid. Look at his little fists clinched with rage and the hatred for modern society in his eyes, and hope like hell he doesn't show up on your doorstep.

Doesn't he look just like Isaaic the young preacher from the movie?

Of course he does.

And look at this girl. She looks innocent enough right? Hell fucking no she doesn't!!! Look at that sinister looking faceless doll.

Your dolls without a face, got no human grace. Your dolls without a fay-hace, fay-hace!!!

It's sick. It's scary. Why would you want to play with something like that, unless you're in the serial killer training program, which make no mistake about it, is definitely what Amish communities are.

But what really angers me about the Amish is the fucking hypocrisy. Those fake fucks are supposed to live like the olden days and be all noble and shit. That's why they don't have cars, electricity, and dildos that laugh instead of vibrate. (wink wink) I'd be ok with this of course if it was true, but it's not. The Amish are faker than wacko jacko's newest nose, and twice as ugly.

These pig faced primitive plain janes do use cars! They hitch hike. I've seen it many, many times. So basically, cars are evil only if you have to pay for them, buy gas, tags, driver's license fees, insurance, and all that. But if you can get a free ride, then fucking go for it brother Jebediah! Go and ride at the expense of others praise be!

If that was the only offense, my rant would be over, but nope, these fuckers do much worse, and this is what really makes me hate them.

They get in my fucking way, driving up and down the roads on their tractors. Tractors that are supposed to be only for work purposes, not for going to Shit-Mart, the ice cream store, or the head shop to buy FFFB comics. Tractors are fucking slow. The fastest ones go in the 30-40 mph range, but most are way, way, slower. I get so fucking mad when traffic is backed up by those shit-eating shenanigans who use their tractors for cars. It makes me furious!!!

If they were serious about their religion, they'd be in horses and buggies. They might cause some traffic problems now and then, but I'd respect what they were doing at least. But this is just prime, grade A, bullshit. These fuckers are just scamming us car-driving folk who have to pay road taxes, fuel taxes, and all kinds of other shit that goes in with the priveledge of owning cars and using public roads. The Amish don't pay shit. They have tax free farm accounts for diesel. They don't have to have a driver's license. They don't even have to wear seat belts, because tractors don't have any!

So screw you Amish asslickers!

You've been called out! I won't rest until I have your heads, and am juggling them with glee, happy in my riddng the world of your evil.

The end.

Praise be brother Jebediah.

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