Learn all about the flyboy. Or not.
But not as sexy as me! HoooooWAHHHHH!!!
Don't say I didn't warn you sucker!
Mercy is for the weak!
It's smart Jerry! It's smart! And I'm not dumbing it down for you!
This is the best game in history!

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Eggplant! Eggplant! Eggplant! Radish!

So I've been a little reflective lately, which is kind of rare for a live in the undead moment kind of guy like me, but the death of my old sensei kind of hit me hard and I started to think back on all the things in life I have learned thus far.

I present to you...


1. Traffic lights are always red when you're in a hurry or late.

2. Ashley Judd makes the same movie over and over again.

3. The big fat tall piece of shit with the ten gallon cowboy hat, newborn baby, crackle-crackle candy wrappers, and 5 ringing cell-phones who took the seat right in front of you at the movies did it on purpose just to annoy you.

4. New shoes are magnets for dogshit, chewing gum, etc...

5. There's never a cop around if you need one. But if you are 5 mph over the limit, or just driving around at night looking suspicious, they're always there to pull you over.

6. Everytime you think of something cool to write, you'll have forgotten what it was by the time you get a chance to actually write it.

7. There is a special place in hell for the type of person who always leaves only a thimble full of milk in the carton, one slice of bread in the package, or a couple of chips and some crumbs in the bag.

8. Tobacco bad. Weed good.

9. Girlfriends will make you stupid, but happy.

10. SuperPisser is right about everything.

Bonus truth!

Morning breath is caused by gremlins who crawl in your mouth and masturbate while you sleep.

That is all for now. Use it wisely my friends.

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