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Monday, March 27, 2006

All I gotta do is... Act naturally.

Hey there friends and fiends, this isn't what I originally had planned to post, but due to the news of Country Music Legend, Buck Owen's passing, I thought it would be appropriate to acknowledge my old buddy today instead.

I met Buck back in 1964. He was red hot after hitting number one with "Love's Gonna Live Here". I on the other hand, was a struggling song writer barely making ends meet. He heard me playing my setlist of banging tunes one night, and we had drinks after the show. He told me, "Man, your music isn't that good, but the way you get all those women to strip naked and hump long-necks is something else!" We exchanged numbers, but I didn't think much of it until a few years later.

I was enjoying success with my album, "101 Ways To Shove A Dead Chicken Up Your Ass", which had been steadily climbing the charts for the first half of 1968, while Buck was still cranking out hit after country hit.

"Zombie," I remember Buck saying enthusiastically on the phone that warm July day. "I've got a gig lined up that I think you'll be perfect for. It's a country music style variety show with jokes, music, and all the tits and ass anyone could ever want. Why don't you get your dead ass down here and we'll fuck some of those sweeties and do a little coke? Then afterwards we can work out the details of the television show."

I agreed, and by August, we were filming a test pilot for a little tv show some of you might have heard of called HEE HAW. It was dorky as shit, but it was a lot of fun too. The on set, off camera orgies had to be seen to believed. There was bestiality galore, corn cob dildos, moonshine enemas, crotch vomiting, and queefing like I've never heard before or since. We were elbow deep in sinful depravity, and I was loving it.

So what happened? Why don't any of you remember me starring in HEE HAW? Sadly, the fuckfaces over at CBS decided in their infinite wisdom to replace me with Roy Clark. They thought the show had potential, but the test audiences were frightened of a banjo playing zombie with a super large cock. They said I would frighten old ladies and small children, that I just wasn't a wholesome enough element.

Buck with my replacement, the wholesome Roy Clark.

Just like that, my future as co-host of the long running HEE HAW show was no more.

It's ok though. It's a great memory, and Buck was a hell of a lot of fun. There are plenty more crazy stories to be told, but I guess this is enough of a stroll down memory lane for one day, so I'll leave it at that.

So long old buddy.

Rest in peace Buck!


The answer to the my BIG GUESS WHO WEEKEND was Mick Mars. I'm sorry to say that there were no winners and no prizes awarded, but I did have a ton of fun reading all of your guesses. Better luck next time, and thanks for playing!

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