Ladies, gentlemen, transexuals of all ages...

I have learned of something horrible and I am so upset that I could angrily anal fist entire countries, continents, and even the entire populations of planets.

I WANT BLOOD!

I WANT REVENGE!

This calls for my special prayer of anger.



Oh great spirit of movie and television tough guy TELLY SAVALAS, I conjure and pray for advice from thee. What should I do in this time of trouble? How can I fart in the face of adversity and piss down the throat of persecution? Let forth the light from your mighty bald pate and maketh it to shine down upon me. Grant me wisdom and guide my mighty hand, so that it will strike true and swift. Give me the strength to remove the dark sided and tainted one who has ruined my life.

I feel like chicken tonight! Like chicken tonight!

Amen..



This situation is way worse than the time my dad took me to go see city heat.



It's worse than Richard Simmon's hair.



It's worse than Michael Jackson's plastic surgery.

It's worse than this website (I wouldn't click that if I were you.) .

It's worse than anything.

For you see...



I just learned that this awful.



And thing most foul.



Shares the same birthday.



AS ME!

And fuck am I pissed about it.

This isn't over you birthday stealing, over-rated, brain dead jizz fart. Not by a long shot.



The only two people allowed to be born on my b-day are me, and my father Fred Gwynne.

Bad things are going to happen pizza puss. Very bad things.

To you.

Not me.

I have written down your name in my book of rage.

Psssshawwwwww.